Be impeccable with your word by only speaking love, and by managing others expectations.
Some Back Story
Not that long ago I had a friend who was told about a raise he was about to receive, and he was excited as it was going to really improve his life as it was quite a substantial raise. Needless to say when the raise came to pass it was not what he was expecting, not close at all, and he was ready to quit. So we took a moment to figure it out, learned that because he is paid bi-weekly that the extra 2 pay cheques equal out to the raise, and the person who let him know about his raise wasn't wrong it did equal out to the amount he was told; however the expectation was set, and it did not live up to the hype that was assumed.
Conversely I was told what was required to go up in an organization for promotions, and what was needed to obtain them. I was also informed that it wouldn't be easy and I would receive a lot of no's before I got any yeses. The expectations were set, and I knew what needed to be done and how to go about doing it. I wasn't successful at it, but the idea here is that the words were chosen carefully to manage the expectations of the young recruit who was full of fire, and ready to conquer the world. Nothing said about how easy it was going to be or how fast everything would come together, it was all the exact opposite really. The expectations were managed, and the encouragement delivered.
Choose Your Words Wisely
When talking to a person you want to talk them up so they can see that they are more than what they think they are garner themselves some much needed self-respect and confidence, and they will work on doing better, and going further than they thought they could ever go.
Be impeccable with your word: speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself, or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
- Don Miguel (The 4 Agreements)
One of the biggest lessons anyone can learn is how to use the correct words, and at the correct time. Speaking and writing are two main forms of communication we have as a species, and if we can't get this right than we have miscommunication, assumed or implied expectations, and hurt.
Have you ever had something told to you that seemed like it was going to be one way, and it turned out to be different? Such as the example with my friend and their raise. What was the strongest feeling you had when you discovered what you were told wasn't quite what you ended up with?
Now I haven't always been great with what I say, or how I say it; however, everyday I am trying my best to become better with my words, both written and verbal. One of the greatest challenges with words is written, and have the other people understand, and know what you are conveying. Did you know people are bent to read email, and especially text messages in negative light? I know I have been guilty of it myself, and try hard not to read anything anyone sends to me negatively; wow is that difficult some days, especially as the day stretches on.
Good is hard, and making sure ones word is quite difficult as your word can be either a beacon for someone, or a detriment to their success. You have the power to determine how someone feels with your words. I recommend you choose carefully.
If you are having to talk to someone about something really important it is recommend that you create some talking points so you can keep your thoughts together, and focus the conversation. I feel this is sound advice for one on one discussions as well as group conversations. Having some bullet points help you control what you are saying, getting to the point, and gives you more clarity. If someone doesn't understand what's being said that is your fault for the most part for not making your words clear, and setting expectations. A lot of making sure your words come across, and what you mean hits home correctly is preparing what is going to be said or written out before hand, and having someone else to proof read, or listen to what you are going to say; kinda like a rehearsal of sorts. Pre-planning is just sound advice, and recommended by all coaches, and mentors.
There are words you should also try to avoid using as much as possible. Words like "just" diminish the value of what is being asked, or being done. As an example saying, "are you just here to pay?" Really doesn't convey much importance on the client who has come in to possibly pay hundreds, or even thousands of dollars for the service you are rendering them, and it also puts a limit on what they are there for. Perhaps they have another need that your business can fill; however, you put a limit on them to "just" paying.
Other words that should removed as much as possible are words such as can't, won't, impossible, and the phrase "I don't know." You always want to be solution oriented, and not pout a wall up for your customer to have to fight through. Instead of can\t say something like "let's find out." Instead of "I don't know," even though I somewhat feel this is acceptable so long as you follow it up with "however let me find out." The better phrasing is, to me, "I'm not sure about that; however, we can find out." Are there any words you hear spoken that you think portray a negative context and should be changed to a more solution based vocabulary?
Ride Hard, and Live Long
It's been my pleasure to write this for you.
Sincerely,
Rob
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